Twins, Trimester One and 8 months after birth

Today, I ran 6.4 miles on the treadmill. It was a big deal. I have made it for 2-3 mile runs a bunch of times since the boys were born, changing and getting out the door as fast as I can on a lunch break. But today, on a weekend, I took and hour and 30 minutes to myself to change, run, and shower. My partner is amazing and totally makes that possible, but this might be the first time I didn’t feel guilty. Now I hate the treadmill...hate it. It takes a great playlist as well as an ipad with a fun movie to watch(today was Thor Ragnorok) to get through the mind numbing 6 miles. However, running is my outlet. It is the one way I can drain my energy and silence my mind. When it is not in the teens outside here in the Northeast, nothing feels as good as a long run out in the beauty of the trees.

Now, what in the world does this have to do with my first trimester? In pregnancy I think there are a few moments that really define each trimester when you look back on them. For this second pregnancy, the first trimester contains the most vivid ones, and there are three. The first was when I realized I was pregnant. I was on a business trip in Wisconsin, and sharing a car with a male co-worker. I realized about 4 nights into the week trip I was late. There were no stores within walking distance, and he had the keys to the car. I was not about to ask him to take me to Walgreens to get a test. He drove me to the airport on my last morning and I am sure I seemed in my own world. I had a layover at the Chicago airport and boy everything in that airport made me want to run to the bathroom. I haven't flown through there since, but bet I still can’t stomach the smell of roasting nuts. That was the longest day of travel in my LIFE. I got home and took a test so fast, my husband had no idea what was going on...we were pregnant.

The second moment is the connection to running. I ran a half marathon pregnant, with twins. To be fair I still didn’t know it was twins as this point and I had signed up and been training long before I was or knew I was pregnant. It was week 10 I think, so I thought I wouldn’t really be sick yet...but I was. I remember hoping the morning sickness would pass as I finished making my playlist in the car, it mostly did. I joined a friend who I am sure wondered why I was more nervous than normal. Every time I took an energy shot my stomach turned. I was mad at myself for being 20 seconds slower than the year before...when I was not pregnant. That is right, I am crazy. I went home that that day and took a very long nap.

The third moment was of course finding out we were having twins. We went in just to hear the heart beat for the first time. We took the day off, had lunch. We even joked about “what do people even do when they have twins”...”how do they afford it?”. We got to the midwives office, we knew them all from our first pregnancy. Everyone was excited to see us again. Our midwife couldn’t find a heartbeat with the doppler. I remember her saying “it seems so loud in there I just can’t find the heartbeat”. So they decided to do a quick ultrasound so we could feel comforted knowing everything is okay. We both tried to stay calm, but obviously worried something was wrong. The ultrasound started and immediately we saw a baby with a great heartbeat, phew. But the midwives kept moving around and looking at this other “circle” in there and it got very quiet. I kept wondering what it could be, the nurse and midwife started to look at each other. Then that circle turned and what was the back of a head suddenly revealed itself, heartbeat and all. Our midwife slowly said, I am going to get Jenn who is certified in ultrasound(she happened to be the one that delivered our first baby). At this point I remember I had finally snapped out of it and cried out “ I don’t think we need someone certified, is that another f*&%ing baby?”. I will never forget my partner now putting it all together and looking completely glazed over. We probably spend another hour there that day. Partly for some more testing and education, but mostly I think because they were afraid to let us drive. So if you are just finding out you are having twins, it is okay to panic, it is okay to cry, and swear, and make off color jokes. But if we survived, you will too. It is a long journey full of ultrasounds and scary possibilities and new terminology.

But my point is here I am, finding the woman I was before all this again, and chasing around two healthy, happy...and a little crazy babies. Sending all my good energy!