Twins...the non existent 2nd trimester

So, things aren't going my way the last few weeks which means my brain has been wondering to the past as a distraction. At the same time we are closing in on the twins turning 1 year old, so lots of thoughts of the last 18 months come rushing back. I thought this was a great time to revisit pregnancy, and those memorable moments that define each trimester. Also, I feel a need for some reason to capture them before weird hormones do their job and make me forget the misery!

If I go back to our first child, the second trimester was a blast, as much as pregnancy can be described that way. The very slight morning sickness I had vanished without a trace, my body felt strong and comfortable and I mostly stopped falling asleep in the middle of conversations. We took a trip to Scotland and walked miles and miles each day we were there. We had our 1 and only ultrasound that went perfectly, with no concerns. It was the highlight of those 9 months. However, the twins were a completely different experience.

Because I had such a great experience with my first pregnancy during the 2nd trimester, I clung to that memory as I tried to survive the all day sickness and exhaustion that plagued my first trimester. However, I quickly realized this time around there was no glorious 2nd trimester waiting for me. Somewhere along the way, the first trimester just turned into the 3rd trimester. Sickness turned into a constant need to drink water, continued food and smell aversions, and exhaustion. I went from not gaining any weight and still running and swimming, right to an extremely uncomfortable body that told me I needed to stop most exercise. It was not what I expected or hoped for. We were "fired" from our beloved mid-wife practice and referred to a mix of ob-gyn support as well as a MFM doctor. We were so far into pregnancy, and rotated between 5 doctors and two different medical facilities, so we never created a great connection with any of them, and COVID did not help. I felt powerless most days in making decisions about how this journey would be managed.

There was also a mental toll. This was around the time we started to learn about all the issues that can come up with twin pregnancies, and specifically in cases where they share a placenta. By our 20 week scan we had already had 3 ultrasound and were being prepared for bi-weekly ultrasounds to monitor for the list of scary things that can happens. We left our first appointment with my ob-gyn terrified of what was to come, and frankly feeling guilty that we had held out so long still working with a mid-wife. The ultrasounds took twice as long, and with all that baby and fluid in there it was harder to get the necessary measurements...which sometimes meant hanging out for an extra few hours to get through a stress test(which I think is only named that because it is so stressful for the mom to sit through). Every ultrasound was a build up of stress until we got the clear, we could live another week or two before we stressed all over again.

I took my last work trip during this time, which was just as whispers of COVID started in the US, about a month before my office shut down all travel. I was sick and uncomfortable and spent a week in Nashville trying to keep up energy

to host a booth for our sales teams. I spend most nights eating hot chicken and ice-cream in a bathrobe in my room, while everyone else enjoyed free drinks and parties.

The 2nd trimester was also where we finally started to accept the fact that we were about to go from a family of 3 to 5. Once we made it through most of the scary check points for the babies health we start to enjoy seeing how they moved and interacted with each other. We also finally decided to come up with a second name. I know, that probably seems dark but we had such a mental block of naming both twins, because we were so scared that something was going to happen prior to birth. And somehow, that felt easier to process if we had not connected names to baby A and baby B.

My advice if you are expecting twins? Find a support group of MoMs(mothers of multiples) as early on as you can. Frankly, they are the only people who will truly understand what you are up against, and an invaluable place for open and honest conversations. Also, don't be like me, push to advocate with your medical team, we spent too much time terrified and nodding our heads. Research your options, listen to your body, and make sure your medical team hears you. Most importantly, be kind to yourself. I had so many expectations of what I wanted out of my second pregnancy, and spent a lot of time feeling sorry for myself that having a high risk pregnancy changed A LOT of that. In the end, everything turned out okay and we are about to celebrate surviving and thriving(sometimes) through our first year with twins. In the end, sometimes what you expect, doesn't matter as much as you thought....and twins will continue to teach you this lesson over and over....and over again!