Take it where you can get it

We are going on a date today. Matt and I are taking time away from work to sneak out and enjoy each other's company. I know, this does not sound like a big deal, but this is a BIG DEAL! The last time I had a drink out of the house with my husband was in July I think. And that was the only one I have had in 18 months(outside of my home.....there is lots of "mama juice" to get through 2020).

Back when COVID rates were very low here, and Matt's mom and Aunt came to watch the boys(because it required more than 1 adult at that point.) Since then, rates have risen, and because our parents are care givers to our grand parents, we opted to not expose them to our germy little kids. Our only exposure has been daycare, in order to protect our loved ones, and also protect our day care providers. It has been hard. Of course, I am sure most people reading this know that. And those with kiddos home and no daycare know an even harder version of this. If we are not working, we are on zone defense with our 3 little boys, until the whole house finally crashes at about 8:30 pm. And then we start it all over the next day. And weekends are more work than the work week! But Matt's mom had her first vaccine and his dad and my parents are on track for early March, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Matt and I both have very demanding jobs. I manage a large team of consultants, and Matt is a Network engineer at a local health organization. He has been very busy getting temporary locations up and running to provide COVID testing and vaccines. We both struggle to take time away from the office, and not feel guilty about it. But today, we are both logging off, dropping the boys off at daycare, and after a quick clean of the house(so my mind can be calm) we will go have a beer at a local brewery that offers bookable igloos. Now, it is currently ice raining outside, it is about as gross as it can get for a winter day. We had to change our reservation to later because the roads are not great. The odds are stacked against us. However, daycare stayed open and the boys are safe and sound, and so far the brewery is still opening. We will find a way no matter what. And no matter how many blankets we need to bring with us to stay warm.

Having twins is hard on a relationship. I don't know the stats, but I am sure it has been the spark for a number of divorces. Matt and I were so lucky to have a solid 10 years together before we were shocked with the news of being pregnant with twins. I don't know how this would feel if we were only a year or two into our relationship. If you are in the same boat as us, or just finding out you will be just know that it will not be easy. Your relationship takes a back seat and most conversations become very task oriented. You will resent each other for something, at some point. You will have to share really tough feelings with each other. My advice, is to share the tough stuff no matter how hard it is. And take in what your partners has to share, and take a long pause to think before you judge. Matt and I have very different frustration points with parenting, and it is easy to forget to look at a situation through each others' lens.

My other advise, is to be willing to take on the brunt of the storm every once in awhile so your partner can have a break, or just take an hour to do something that makes them happy. Matt is much better at this then I am. He knows I need running and exercise in my life, and to run through the house with a quick cleaning. He will offer me this space at least a few days a week. I know its not easy for him sometimes to offer that, but in the end he has a healthy and happier partner who is then ready to take on the storm so he can refresh. While we can't lean on family for this break, we try our best to do it for each other.

So on that note, today, we celebrate each other because our love and friendship is how we got into this mess in the first place! Even if its just a few hours, in a freezing igloo over a beer and food truck food, we celebrate and we march forward. And when everyone is safe again, we will plan a more appropriate celebration of the bond we share, and the solid life we share with these crazy kids. Sending good vibes out to you all, and stay safe in the ice rain.