Twins, Trimester One and 8 months after birth

Today, I ran 6.4 miles on the treadmill. It was a big deal. I have made it for 2-3 mile runs a bunch of times since the boys were born, changing and getting out the door as fast as I can on a lunch break. But today, on a weekend, I took and hour and 30 minutes to myself to change, run, and shower. My partner is amazing and totally makes that possible, but this might be the first time I didn’t feel guilty. Now I hate the treadmill...hate it. It takes a great playlist as well as an ipad with a fun movie to watch(today was Thor Ragnorok) to get through the mind numbing 6 miles. However, running is my outlet. It is the one way I can drain my energy and silence my mind. When it is not in the teens outside here in the Northeast, nothing feels as good as a long run out in the beauty of the trees.

Now, what in the world does this have to do with my first trimester? In pregnancy I think there are a few moments that really define each trimester when you look back on them. For this second pregnancy, the first trimester contains the most vivid ones, and there are three. The first was when I realized I was pregnant. I was on a business trip in Wisconsin, and sharing a car with a male co-worker. I realized about 4 nights into the week trip I was late. There were no stores within walking distance, and he had the keys to the car. I was not about to ask him to take me to Walgreens to get a test. He drove me to the airport on my last morning and I am sure I seemed in my own world. I had a layover at the Chicago airport and boy everything in that airport made me want to run to the bathroom. I haven't flown through there since, but bet I still can’t stomach the smell of roasting nuts. That was the longest day of travel in my LIFE. I got home and took a test so fast, my husband had no idea what was going on...we were pregnant.

The second moment is the connection to running. I ran a half marathon pregnant, with twins. To be fair I still didn’t know it was twins as this point and I had signed up and been training long before I was or knew I was pregnant. It was week 10 I think, so I thought I wouldn’t really be sick yet...but I was. I remember hoping the morning sickness would pass as I finished making my playlist in the car, it mostly did. I joined a friend who I am sure wondered why I was more nervous than normal. Every time I took an energy shot my stomach turned. I was mad at myself for being 20 seconds slower than the year before...when I was not pregnant. That is right, I am crazy. I went home that that day and took a very long nap.

The third moment was of course finding out we were having twins. We went in just to hear the heart beat for the first time. We took the day off, had lunch. We even joked about “what do people even do when they have twins”...”how do they afford it?”. We got to the midwives office, we knew them all from our first pregnancy. Everyone was excited to see us again. Our midwife couldn’t find a heartbeat with the doppler. I remember her saying “it seems so loud in there I just can’t find the heartbeat”. So they decided to do a quick ultrasound so we could feel comforted knowing everything is okay. We both tried to stay calm, but obviously worried something was wrong. The ultrasound started and immediately we saw a baby with a great heartbeat, phew. But the midwives kept moving around and looking at this other “circle” in there and it got very quiet. I kept wondering what it could be, the nurse and midwife started to look at each other. Then that circle turned and what was the back of a head suddenly revealed itself, heartbeat and all. Our midwife slowly said, I am going to get Jenn who is certified in ultrasound(she happened to be the one that delivered our first baby). At this point I remember I had finally snapped out of it and cried out “ I don’t think we need someone certified, is that another f*&%ing baby?”. I will never forget my partner now putting it all together and looking completely glazed over. We probably spend another hour there that day. Partly for some more testing and education, but mostly I think because they were afraid to let us drive. So if you are just finding out you are having twins, it is okay to panic, it is okay to cry, and swear, and make off color jokes. But if we survived, you will too. It is a long journey full of ultrasounds and scary possibilities and new terminology.

But my point is here I am, finding the woman I was before all this again, and chasing around two healthy, happy...and a little crazy babies. Sending all my good energy!

A love letter to my first born

Lachlan was 2.5 years old when we had the twins. He has been the center of our lives since the day we arrived(probably before that really). He was the first grandchild on my side of the family in 14 years, and on my husbands side the first grandchild born and living in the same state. And my goodness he was and still is LOVED.

When we went to the hospital to have the twins, my parents had quarantined for probably a month so they could stay with Lachlan while we were at the hospital. They had lots of fun(and a whole lot of anxiety for grandma and grandpa) while they waited for us to come home(more on that journey later). And for any mom out there that came home to your first born after a second baby I am sure you know exactly what I am about to describe. We walked into that house and somehow, in 5 days my baby had completely grown up. Suddenly the hot tears hit my face, and my mom knew why. His hair, felt different. His clothes looked impossibly grown up. His motor skills, so advanced. He was so heavy and strong. And of course he had not changed overnight, it just took a new baby(or two) for us to realize he wasn't one anymore, and it stung.

I can only imagine what it is like to go from being the one and only, to one of three. And boy did those two new babies need a whole lot of work and attention. Mom and dad are suddenly exhausted, and lacking patience. On top of the changes at home, he started to lose friends at school

as the pandemic forced more and more families to take their children out of daycare. His visit with family and trips to the playground started to get less and less, and eventually we stopped seeing people at all outside of daycare. Our plans of playdates with grandparents and aunts and uncles all fell apart.

And I tell you he has handled it all with grace, certainly better than any of us adults. He adores his brothers, and has informed me he needs 2 more babies(NOT happening kid). He loves school and I see him being so kind to other kiddos it breaks my heart. He tells me at night before bed about the friends his misses, but don't worry mom he says "I will run into them at the carwash". We do facetime with grandparents and have virtual book time with them as well. Don't get me wrong though, its far from perfect. The twins are old enough to grab his toys now, so that is a sore subject. He craves attention at dinner when we feed the babies, which results in a long process of negotiating dinner. He is a 3 year old with lots of energy, and if we don't get him outside once a day....boy do we know it! He watches too much TV, because that is how we survive somedays like everyone else.

So what is my point? Well sometimes when my mom probably felt like she was overly worried about my older brother, she would tell me "You will understand when you have a first born". well my first response was I will never have more than zero to one children so I won't know. That is right, I have a long history of being sassy. But, here I am with three babies and I get it. Lachlan, you are a wonder to behold.

I'm like, really into plants lately.

I don't know what it is, perhaps a combination of the cold weather and short days here in the Northeast, being home and social distancing, or just becoming and old lady but plants have become my jam. Of course I mean house plants, easy to care for house plants.

The women in my family all seem to have been born with green thumbs. And I mean lush house plants, beautiful vegetable gardens, and flower beds for days! Not me, up until recently I killed house plants like it was my job. I once grew cucumbers that were round(how does that even happen) and my flower beds are not the prize of the neighborhood. I think my green thumb gifted neighbors probably dream of sneaking over and weeding for me

However, in the last year I have collected a number of house plants, almost all are still alive. My large orchid is blooming for a 3rd time! I took my first swag at pruning my fiddle leaf fig, and its growing branches just as I hoped. I still struggle with Christmas cactuses. I have one that was split from my great grandmother's beautiful plant(no pressure right, just multigenerational plants to care for). So far, it is growing but has never flowered. I'll keep you posted if I conquer this part of the green thumb.

I love hunting for beautiful pots at second hand stores, with a mix of more modern ones. I have come to appreciate a pot with good drainage and the importance of inserting a plastic pot with drainage if your beautiful vessel doesn't do the trick. Anyway, I am sure you all know this stuff I am certainly not here to give advice on caring for plants. But, if something makes you happy keep at it, start simple and learn from your mistakes. And, a good watering scheduling can't hurt!